Agenda neutral!

This truth bomb, I reckon, is a reputational sink and swim moment.

It used to look like this.

I love bikes. I love riding bikes. Road, enduro, trials and, of course, Hard Enduro. The best bonds are formed in the fumes. The people you meet. The clubs you become a part of. The battles out there on the track.

Sadly though, I hate bike maintenance! There...I said it!

Then this happened....several times (thanks for reminding me Laughing Bulldog).

Many love it; some say it is cathartic. Not me though. I have tried to like it; honest, I really have. I fixed the break reservoir on my GSXR a while back and was so excited I wrote a story on it (I did a thing!).

So, it ended up looking like this.

Yes, I am a bit of a tight arse when it comes to buying bits, but I understand they are a necessary evil because shit breaks and wears out. I'll spend the money if I absolutely have too.

God help me if I am the one that has to fit them though! I'd sooner go to the shops to buy a dose of gonorrhea or attempt to fit an IUD myself.

After the '24 WHES season, throughout which I only managed to get to three events, the Twist Pig was left in the doghouse for nearly seven months. All that was wrong with it was leaking fork seals, dirty filters, dirty oil, busted hand guards and a cracked sub-frame.

For a while it even looked like that!

But as much as I missed the old girl, I could not bring myself to drag her into a bike shop. With my mechanical ineptitude I'd have likely described the ailments incorrectly, leaving a bike with them that went in looking like a TE250 and came out looking like a chainsaw.

To be fair I did have a crack at mending a sub-frame. I thought I did well (see below), and it was certainly cost effective. But I was so brutally flagellated by all and sundry for my efforts that I felt, for quite some time, rather "unworthy" of calling myself an enthusiast.

I can't fix bikes, and I don't want to! It's that simple. Am I alone? I'm not sure I am.

Robert M. Pirsig (author of Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance) says “Mountains should be climbed with as little effort as possible and without desire.” What he meant by that is: if you want to do it, do it and if you don't, don't. Do only what you really feel like doing.

Jason from EBWA helping me do things under duress and in the poorest of settings (my yard) with no tools (or my tools, which is worse).

Well, I think I have a solution to my mechanical quandary.

There must be someone out there with whom I could agist my ride? And I feel that person would run a business called something like "The Steed Ranch".

They would provide a secure location for my bike to be stored; they would keep it warm and dry; and they would ensure that it would be ready to ride when I fly in from an exhausting biological field survey just in time to get my arse to the start gate on race weekend.

Of course, I'd buy the bike. I'd just give it to someone else to care for and I would be prepared to pay them to love it like it needs to be loved; like I know I can't.

If I had an enduro coming up they could throw the GoldenTyre GT516KE on it. If I had a Hard Enduro or a Super Enduro, in would go the moose and on would go the gummy. The 48 tooth would come off and the 52 would go on. It would take them an hour. It would take me a day, and it would most certainly be done wrong.

When I hand it back at the end of the ride, I can let the Ranch-hand know what I broke or what was playing up. They can source the parts for the best price and fix it up ready for the next event. Dealers are often constrained to supplying genuine and therefore have to charge more. You could also be waiting a while (or fornever if it's a KTM).

It sounds weird at first but really think about it for a second. Think about the four things that a great many dirt bike riders lack:

1. Security for storage;

2. The tools to do a job properly (have you got that thing that pulls bearings? I don't);

3. Space and capacity to make a mess with fuels and oils; and

4. The wherewithal to use the proper tools to do the job at all, let alone do the job properly.

But some people do have all of that and they are the ones that are well suited to running a Steed Ranch.

I would be willing to pay someone to agist my ride. Would you?

WHES Gold Rider Elliot Clenton demonstrating that it's easier with the space, the tools and proper full-strength beer.

All that said, there is another alternative: riding a bike that requires less maintenance.

I have a PhD, which I acquired from sticking bits into very dangerous snakes. As such, I know that I have the smarts and the dexterity to learn how to do the basics like tyres, gearing and brakes.

But the dark art of balancing a carby or fiddling with jetts is some serious jiggery pokery I don't want to get involved with.

An electric bike? Well, the idea of plug and play has some serious appeal.

Check out the launch vids here: On Powersports 30x Launch.

Nicolau Barros coming to terms with e!drive of the On Powersports 30x.